I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
50% drunk capacity currently
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
