do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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