dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
