I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
