I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
