I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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