Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
