I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
