It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
