turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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