I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
