I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
