I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
