Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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