dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
