i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
