i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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