apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
