you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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