I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
