quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
