I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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