watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I want is dick and wine.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
