TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
