hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
