eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
