Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
