Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
