things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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