If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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