I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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