he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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