Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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