another moral hangover. fuck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
