A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
