i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
