I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
