Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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