i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
