Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
