Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
