He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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