I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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