DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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