I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
