i don't like sucking hair
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
