Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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