Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
