It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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