Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
