drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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