True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
