Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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