Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
